When success burns bright
Running 100 miles, and the inner questions that follow
I did it! Again!
I successfully ran/hiked 100 miles through the Rocky Mountains in Central Colorado!!!
One big push. No sleep - just one foot in front of the next for 36 hours!
Oh, how wild it truly was!
And, how immensely beautiful as I allowed myself to soak in every ounce of joy and wonder and amazement at how magical this Planet Earth truly is!
I'll speak more to the journey in future writings. Believe me, there is much to share, including a full trip report and some other musings.
Before getting into that, there's a matter that wishes to be spoken to as I sit here nursing wounds and working with the soreness in my legs, while simultaneously sitting with a cold that arose in ferociousness following the event.
It is this:
Dearest Katie, with the extreme amount of pain and stress that I just put myself through, is it really worth it? I mean, why on Earth would I put myself through that much pain and suffering? Is it worth it? Is it truly wise?
Many of you know me and my work through how vocal I can be over how dangerous it is to push too far.
Many of you know me and my work through the times I've spoken at great lengths to the need to bring ease and stillness into our lives.
Yes, this is all true. And, there is something else too - something powerful about the ability to know when it is true and right to push forward with all our might towards that which is ablaze in us, heart & soul.
Chasing Upward Slopes
When I launched Upward Slopes (the parent platform for We Are The Forest) in 2020, I was deep in listening and reflection on how us humans have been programmed to push and push and push forward in life; often towards that which, really, serves no purpose.
That is, we push forward based on story and belief that we are moving towards something that holds value; when, really, the value of that future something is bullshit, and we are left wasting precious time and energy burning ourselves out.
It's climbing mountains and trail running that showed up in my life as my greatest teacher for a far more skillful way to live life.
This different way - I don't see it as one where we refuse to push forward; where we refuse to work hard for that which has potential for gold in the future! This isn't about the dissolution of striving and the erasing of working hard to achieve big goals.
This different way isn't about swinging the pendulum the other direction to endless ease and comfort.
Instead, it has everything to do with listening, and with discerning: are these steps that I am taking worth it? Is there something here - a powerful something - that is bringing me joy and healing and beautiful transformation?
Because, here's the deal - that shiny gold on top of the mountain means nothing! It means absolutely nothing!
But each step - each precious step along the way - this is everything.
Sometimes, those steps will be taken with ease. Slow down; breathe in the grace; receive the nourishment that is everywhere as you rest.
Other times, it is worth it to move forward with a fire in your heart that drives you to work for something!
Discerning - always discerning! - where am I headed, and how is it that I am being as I move myself in that direction:
is it right timing to move with ease?
is it right timing to find complete stillness?
is it right timing to blast forward ablaze with the fire hellbent on getting me there?!
Get to know this fire well
Whether it's ultra running or rock climbing, activism or business ventures. Whatever it is in life!
There is something that I will do as long as I continue to play this wild game, and it is to listen deeply within as to whether or not it truly serves:
This is what we have to do whenever we play with fire!
Fire - as in, that part of self that drives us forward, that moves us with a power that has us dancing on the edge:
Push too hard, and you will get burned
Push just right, and you will receive fulfillment to a degree that expands far beyond what others will ever know!
It's a wild and beautiful game: and it is one which has very real consequences.
I've spoken much about these consequences: of allowing the fires within me to burn out of control, moving me into spaces that caused harm that I couldn't bounce back from.
And, given the lessons I've learned, there is a part of me that stands for never allowing that to happen again.
This is why I make loud noise over discernment, and about each of our own abilities to listen inward to our own truth - something that shifts and changes moment to moment, day to day.
Is it time to push forward?
Is it time to move with ease?
Is it time to rest?
I am over here in a deep state of rest. I played with fire, and now I now rest, replenish, and listen for how I next move forward.
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