The sacred power of internal fires
Working with the burning within
Who else is feeling fiery? Over here, I’ve got it just blazing inside of me…
In some moments, it roars.
In others, it simmers down to hot embers that burn and burn and burn.
What are you burning? What is ready to fall away? What is ready to alchemize, to bring forth a birth anew??
Once, it felt really uncomfortable to experience this. However, with time, I’ve learned how to work with it so that, now, whenever I feel the flames begin to spark, I recognize it for the powerful gift that these moments will bring.
Still, for a long time, the fires didn’t seem like a gift at all.
For a long while, the fire would mix with the air in my head, and the two would dance together and bring forth an anxiousness that had me crippled and in despair.
This burning!
I can’t think. I can’t do. All that I can is to be engulfed in this storm of flame as it takes over, takes me down, and leaves me questioning….
Oh, how I asked, and had answered, so many questions!
For one, I asked the flames (over and over again) why they had to be here. Why must you rip through me, and burn through me, and keep me held in your grasp when I have so much I want to do?
An answer… never with the clarity and precision that I crave as one who knows the English language; but, instead, one that spoke and spoke again in a language I am still working to understand.
Alas, this is the clearest I’ve got:
These fires, they are sacred. And, yes, they burn for a reason! They do not come here to harm you, but to guide you and move you as they burn away that which only holds you back from where you need to go.
The problem with fire is it isn’t often comfortable
When it becomes too uncomfortable, it has become my practice to head out to my backyard forest. It is a forest that knows fire all-too-well; and, it is a forest that has had to learn (the hard way) how to deal with fires that burn too hot.
It’s here that I spend time with the ponderosa skeletons. They’ve remained long after the fire that took the forest 2+ decades ago. I find them to be a great source of wisdom.
This past evening, I was struck by how beautiful my backyard is. The green jungle of shrub oak is taking over, and the wildflowers popping up are just stunning! What greater joy to see the re-emergence of life… even when it doesn’t take the form that my clinging heart desires (ahem… the great ponderosa forest I wish remained).
But my backyard forest doesn’t always look like this. I remember a time, just two years ago, where the fire of the sun outblazed any hope of rain, and my backyard skeletons were accompanied only by the driest of dirt and the dry crunch of thirsty shrub oak leaves; oh, and by more fires burning nearby.
Fire all around me.
Burn scars right in front of me.
Flames roaring within me
No, not pleasant. But how I learned so much! And, how I allowed myself to be changed.
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I’ve now spent 2 years listening for wisdom through my backyard skeletons.
What do you have to offer, as I see you standing here these decades after the fire that took your life?
What do you have to share as you’ve remained, standing so tall all these years?
Sometimes, I receive a rare treat and a message is received directly.
Mostly, the answer comes through guidance to turn within. After all, they are trees, and I am human. We speak different languages. Life is different for us. Besides, the most important lessons are always, always learned from listening within.
It’s with this that I’ve been cultivating the skill that is working with my internal fires: to learn to tune in so that they, never again, have to burn too hot. To discern the wisdom they are here to bring, and to allow them to burn away that which I am ready to leave behind.
At first, this fire-filled experience was painful. How I battled my way through, day after day, as I fought to make any sort of sense of the flames that ripped through my belly, my heart, my womb, my head.
Perhaps, this was indeed the first lesson… to let go of sense, and simply allow the fires to burn.
Later on, the black veil of smoke fell away, and clarity did come. Clarity always follows, even when it seems hopeless that we’re left in eternity to never know.
These days, I teach (as I continue to work within myself) how to work with fire. Internal fire - that which burns within; so that, as we ourselves are wisened and healed, this fire is able to ripple out, transform the world we are all part of, and bring forth the brighter, more beautiful world that is ready to be birthed anew.
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A note to the reader
I write this post from my home land here at the base of the Jemez Mountains in a town we have named Los Alamos, New Mexico.
This, a town well known for its fire power, brought me into the world, raised me, sent me out into the world where I, myself, got burned; now, I am returned, back here on this land, sharing her story, woven together with my story, in the hope that it serves to bring through a world anew that no longer depends on destructive fire power to solve our problems.
One where we live in skillful connection to Earth, and all her elements, as we know discernment and allow healing and beauty to shine brighter than all else.
I offer today’s writing as one little glimpse into the series of writings on this topic.
Deepen into practice: https://upwardslopes.com/heartfire/
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